It's Been A Minute, right?

Apr. 11. 2022

Dear Issa Rae,

It's been a minute, right? I have so much to explain followed by a lot of questions. Last quarter ended well with my break up script being a big success, and by “big success” I mean, the professor didn't spit on it and my peers seemed engaged with the story. That gave me some confidence in my story telling abilities, but is that really a good thing? Should self confidence be dictated by the approval of others? But as a writer don't I want the approval of my audience? If I don't receive that approval does that mean I failed, like was it a bad story? Is there such a thing as a bad story idea, or is it just a lack of audience? Because essentially there is an audience for everything and anything. As people we consume a variety of things, including things that may not be considered part of the ‘norm.’

Sometimes when I am writing, whether it's for my novel or a screenplay, at that moment it feels like the ultimate breakthrough, like I have just written the next Emmy winning script. And I put it in my imaginary vault. Then the minute I let it see the light of day, it's like it came out the vault rotten, like I didn't refrigerate it and now I'm pitching bruised apples and rotten berries. Sometimes it's like my ideas don’t sustain themselves and expire. If one day something is good and the next it’s not, was it ever really good in the first place? But I am not even sure if I am determining that it's good based on how others respond, or based on whether my own opinion has genuinely changed. At what point is it good enough? At what point am I good enough? I know rejection is an evitable part of any artistry, because it's about your audience, who is willing to receive your message and who is not. But before I can show anyone else, I want to know that I gave it my best. There will always, always, always be things that could be better, but I struggle understanding at what point do I let my writing be its best. Once I let that happen, It feels impossible to not let it affect me when it’s not received well by others. I want to be able to separate how others feel about my work, and how I feel. Because at the end of the day I know that there is at least one person that will watch or read it. I guess that's why they say it’s important to know your audience. But Is that all writing is?

Seth Rogen has never won any Oscars, but you can’t say he isn't successful in film, because he has a mass audience that appreciates his type of work. Good and bad is just an opinion, this I know. I am scared of letting the quality/ success of my work be determined by who doesn’t get it or award it, instead of it being determined by me, myself and I. I’d like to think for any artist, the biggest accomplishment is simply putting your art out there for the world to judge, hate, or appreciate. It feels like I have to listen to everyone else's thoughts, which makes it harder to hear my own. Finding my own opinion about my work without the interference of unnecessary factors is quite literally like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I like to try and remind myself that no idea is a bad idea and that my strength is in my experience and my perspective. It is those aspects that will engage an audience. Insecure is so groundbreaking and impactful because sadly something as common as the narrative of a young black woman simply figuring it out, was missing from television at the time. There was a gap and,

Dear Issa’

You have contributed to filling that gap, successfully.

It was successful because it was relatable and had representation; even better, reflection. Insecure could have been created in so many different ways, and would have possibly engaged a different audience and it would not be the show it is today or have the same impact. And while no one can predict what kind of impact their work will have, I struggle sometimes to feel confident in my own work and ideas. I fear it won't have an impact, and that it will be a result of my inability to reach my audience. I assume that confidence in your work without doubt, despite what could’ve been better after everything is said and done, really exhibits what it means to be complete with your work. It means that it is ready, but even more important, that you, the artist, are ready. I have complete faith in my work, writing, and ideas. I simply fear not being understood or connecting with anyone through my work. Insecure, In so many ways, even though it is a scripted series, was real and honest. Is it possible to be honest with your pen and paper, to be real with the camera lens, and still not be seen?