Do You Have Megaphone I Can Borrow?
Apr. 27. 2022
Dear Issa Rae
Do you have a megaphone that I can borrow? That would be great.
I have never in my life had a problem with volume in regards to how I talk. So please, can someone explain to me why I am never heard. It is quite perplexing to literally be sitting in front of someone, not even just one person, but multiple people rubbing elbows with you, not hearing anything coming out of your mouth. How have I been isolated from the conversation? It's small, maybe to others, but for me when these encounters occur, I just remind myself to throw them in with the others. One day in class I thought I was having a conversation with my fellow peers, and I thought they would listen when I talked but instead, I was cut off on multiple occasions, or met without response to anything I said as if I didn’t say anything at all, while the conversation continued with disregard to me. It doesn't occur with every conversation or every group encounter, with every acquaintance or friend group, but it occurs in specific places, in specific spaces, with specific faces. And I can’t help but judge those patterns. It is simply rude, but it is also a reminder that I am a minority in my environment and whether it’s conscious or not, ‘little to none’ = zero sometimes. I don’t receive anything to be intentional or malicious, it's just quite literally annoying. I think subconsciously what I have to say is not of value. And sometimes it's not just casual conversation. Sometimes I am making suggestions or criticisms pertaining to the script, the film, the direction, the costuming! For crying out loud, I am just trying to contribute my perspective, and it's like their ears automatically go deaf. *tap*tap “Is this thing on?" I won’t act like it happens often, but the fact that it happens at all is ridiculous. As a young black female I have worked very hard to find a balance between not being someone who is timid and can’t stand up for herself and someone who does not appear to be loud and aggressive. Personally, I don’t think I should have to find a balance if I don't want to. But in order to find success in certain areas of my life I have worked hard to do so. But as I move into this new space and work towards a career in film/television, experiences such as my recent ones, feel like an indication that I will need to readjust. What worked before, won’t work here. The balance I was able to find when I went to a S.T.E.M. school, or high school, or even when I majored in Illustration, will not apply to this new world. But, I refuse to enter this industry, as passionate as I am and able to create something great, to only miss my opportunities because others refuse to hear me. Fuck balance. If I have to be loud, I will be.
I recently filmed a project for my film class, and something as simple as all the actors I was working with, not hearing me and my female counterpart say “action” and ruining the take, will not slide. No matter the intentions, no matter the platform, whether it’s a small scene for class, or a big scene for Sundance, when I say “action” I want everyone to hear me. Therefore, when we proceeded to take the scene from the top, and I yelled action at an absurd volume, and the actors looked at me crazy, I gave absolutely no shits. Much appreciation to those actors for their time and contribution, but my priority was not about being gentle or liked at that moment, it was about my project and their commitment to help.
And we got the scene. Thank you, next.
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